Seniors: Safety versus Denial

I sat with a brother and sister last week who needed to vent about their widowed, childless aunt. Aunt Edna, we'll call her, was supposed to attend the meeting as well, but she conveniently decided to go shopping with her grand-nephew when he came over earlier to see how she was getting along. "It's nice that your son helps out when he can," I observed. "But that's just it!" lamented the niece, "We offered to take her shopping yesterday, and she refused. She knew we were having this meeting and didn't want to be here, so when he came over she rooked him into taking her. She takes advantage of us and we have to find a better solution than this piecemeal kind of scheduling!"

I was visiting as a home health social worker in this instance, I contract with several agencies in town, making up to two visits to help people find resources and educate them about long term care issues to keep them out of the hospital as long as possible. This scenario is typical. Grown "Sandwiched Boomers" have become caregivers for their parents and other aging relatives. They still work fulltime, have grown kids and grandchildren of their own in many instances. And sometimes the senior just isn't interested in changing anything about the situation. They helped create it. As I told this brother and sister, "She's trained you very well." They rolled their eyes exasperatedly.

One of the primary referrals I wanted to make for this 90+year-old woman still living in her own home, alone, was for an Emergency Response System (ERS). I had offered it on my first visit, and she had refused. This time, when she returned from shopping, she agreed to the referral and I had her niece and nephew as witnesses. An ERS (remember: "help, I've fallen and I can't get up") is one way to increase a senior's safety and successful retention of their independence. Even if they do fall, if they receive help within an hour the chances of returning home are around 80%. If they lie on the floor for hours, there is an 80% chance they will spend the rest of their lives in a nursing facility.

So, I made the referral, to the relief of the caregiver family members. Two days later I received a call from the ERS company: she politely refused to have them install the system. Two days after that I received a call from the nephew: "Aunt Edna is in the hospital. She fell and no one found her for about 4 or 5 hours. We need some help with planning for the next stage."

I hope I can get her home with assistance. She'll probably need extensive rehab. She was dehydrated, of course. Had she had the system, she would have been rescued before dehydration had set in.

Some people just don't listen. It's frustrating. I keep trying anyway.